Sunday, October 16, 2005


Chuck E. Cheese, And The Irony Of It All

This was my senior stepdaughter's idea... that I write about "Chuck E. Cheese and the irony of it all". So be it.

Actually, I must admit that I've spent very little time in Chuck E. Cheese's... which just goes to prove that I haven't been a stepfather for very long. So I'm not yet tired of their well-nigh-cheeseless pizza, or their insanely annoying animatronic singing animals, or the ambient noise level that makes an airport runway seem peaceful, or the overal ambiance intended to pump children full of sugar so that they can pester their parents for tokens and games and toys... no, not tired at all.

How'm I doing, Dagny?

Mmmm... perhaps not so well. She now wants me to discuss the overall oxygen content in the atmosphere in Chuck E. Cheese. My general supposition is that it's the same there as most everywhere else... i.e. about 16% by volume.

(Boy, do I have a way with children, or what?!?)

Now she says I have to write about... and she's hemming and hawing, trying to come up with a subject. Okay, honey, ONE more topic. (Now she says not to call her 'honey'. Whatever you say, sweetie.)

Okay, we have a topic. She wants to know what I think about the game where you have to hit little duckies... and what effect this has on children, and the environment, and duckies.

To which I can only respond: no doubt this does result in children expressing their violent tendencies in public... and towards duckies, which might be alarming. The effects on said duckies in the environment is also worthy of discussion. However, since duckies in Chuck E. Cheese establishments are made of plastic, I can safely say that the environment will get along quite well without them... and that children will not suffer unduly from brutally killing them.

Oh. NOW she says she wants to know if this will cause children to want to kill real duckies... and whether or not that is a good thing. (Well, gosh, you didn't say so...) (Yeah, I did.) (No, you didn't.) (Yeah, I did!) (Stop typing in my blog, Dagny... you have your own.)

Well, then:

I guess I'm just gonna have to keep a close eye on my stepdaughters... and see if they develop any intense interest in duck season. (No, I mean wabbit season. Whatever.)

Go right ahead and keep pounding duckies, Dagny. If I think it's stunting your moral and ethical development, I'll be sure and tell you.

UPDATE: My stepdaughter's latest blog entry includes this:
My blog must be really boring. I wonder if anyone except my step dad is reading it. If you read it, do me a favor and comment on it. I just want to know if it's really on the internet, and not just on my computer.
If you have a moment, could you please stop on by and say hello? Many thanks.

UPDATE II: Daniel T. points out to me that this is, actually, my first LiveBlogging experience. Okay, so it was me live-blogging a conversation with my stepdaughter... but all technicalities count, don't they?


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