Daniel in Brookline: Ten Things I've Never Done

Friday, May 20, 2005

Ten Things I've Never Done

Hmm, maybe I'm violating bloggiquette here -- this party seems to be invitation-only. But nobody I know has said so, outright... so I'm jumping in.

Neo-neocon has posted a list of ten things she's never done. (It's always fascinating to see what other people haven't done; some of them seem, well, ordinary, while others seem incredibly exotic. It's a window into other people's lives, and a reminder of just how different we can be from other people, even people we think are basically Just Like Us.)

Just like she said, before this past November I could have said "I've never voted for a Republican". No longer.

I've never:

killed anyone
initiated a pregnancy, deliberately or otherwise
eaten lobster or other arachnids (eww!)
broken any major bones
gotten seriously drunk or stoned
been arrested
jumped out of an airplane
danced with the Devil by the pale moonlight (I just like the sound of that...)
watched Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ
visited Asia, or Africa, or South America, or Australia

Have you ever played the "I never" college drinking game? A group of youngsters, old enough that they ought to know better, sit in a circle, with plenty of alcoholic beverages available; everyone has a drink at hand, and refills as necessary. Each person, in turn, announces something they've never done... and everyone else in the circle is then obligated to take a drink, if they have done that something. (It is assumed that lying, overtly or by omission, is against the rules; if someone says "I've never had sex in the desert with a camel and a parrot", and it just so happens that you have, then you have to take a drink.)

Part of the fun, of course, is paying attention to who drinks, and seeing what amazing stuff your friends have been up to. Another part of the fun is that, as time goes on (and people get drunker and drunker), the announcements get more and more outlandish... but somehow, it's usually still hard to pick something that nobody has done. (Unless you hang out with extremely inexperienced friends, I guess.)

Anyway, in the interests of continuing the fun, here are some slightly out-of-the-ordinary things that I have done:

I've sent a friend to prison;
I've kept a friend out of prison;
I've fallen off a cliff;
I've totalled a car (yes, it was mine, and yes, it was my fault);
I've had sex in the shadow of a national Parliament building (always thought I should get a point off my Purity Test score for that one!);
I've read Dr. Seuss in Latin;
I've won regional awards for my singing (not, as my neighbors might claim, to reward me for not singing);
I've had surgery on my big toes and my vocal chords, in addition to the surgical removal of all my optional equipment;
I've ridden shotgun under radio silence, with a round chambered and the safety off;
I've run with scissors, written bad checks, and returned Blockbuster videotapes without rewinding them. (Cue Bugs Bunny voice: "Ain't I a stinker?")